I know, that title alone makes you cringe. And why? Because I’m white, right?
Because I’m white I certainly couldn’t EVER be racially profiled right? Wrong. Racism isn’t just reserved for asshole white folks my friends … it just isn’t. And for you to say any different well then you’re just part of the problem in this world.
I get it. I get that I have white privilege. I really do. Hell, anyone who could ever watch the Brown Eye/Blue Eye experiment by Jane Elliot and doesn’t come out of that without knowing that you are born with or without certain privileges simply because the color of your skin are either blind, in denial or just an all out fuckin’ asshole. Facts. And speaking of Jane Elliot, when something very similar happened to me over the weekend the only thing I can continue to hear over and over is “The next time you see racist behaviors, sexist behaviors, homophobic behaviors, ethnocentric behaviors, ageist behaviors … maybe you will say to yourself ‘Wait a minute! I had that for one morning. I am never going to allow that to happen in my presence again without responding to it negatively'”. This is the opening of the video … obviously a very powerful and effective one if it’s one of the first things I think of in a situation as so. She honestly probably should have added body shaming behaviors in that but I’ll give her a pass as “body shaming” is a relatively new ‘term’ we’re using in todays society. Remember, for years (and stronger than ever IMO) fat is the WORST thing you could be. No, it’s true! As long as you don’t get fat ANYTHING else could go wrong. But fat, nope – no way! Not the dreaded F Word!
Being a fat girl for most of my life I’ve been discriminated against in more ways, more times and more intense than I can even relay to you. I know you don’t get it, especially if you’re not fat. And even if you ARE fat you probably (like most
of us) judge other fat people … actually you probably judge them the worst. Because we make fun of, judge and belittle things that we ‘don’t want to be’ and if you’re in on it then you feel like you’re not one of the fatties. Well you are! And there is NOTHING WRONG WITH IT! There is nothing at all wrong with your physical appearance … like AT ALL. YOU’RE not comfortable in your body therefore you feel the need to belittle someone who is (i.e.: wearing what they want to fucking wear) because how in the fuck can THEY be HAPPY LIKE THAT – you’re validating (only in your own mind, mind you) your delusion that you’re not doing anything wrong. What’s wrong is that people focus so much on it (physical appearance) that it causes anxiety, anger, sadness, depression, racing thoughts and even suicide. We live a society that points fingers at each other simply because we look … different!? Because we dare to be … ourselves?!
Most people won’t. Most people just want to blend in, sheep it up. Repost shit they don’t even read because it’s the cool or PC thing to do. They don’t even know what bandwagon they are jumping on these days. Most people wouldn’t dare stand up for themselves let along someone else … including (the old) me. Believe it or not (most don’t) I used to be a really shy, quiet, scared fat kid. I missed out on SO MUCH of my childhood/youth due to being afraid of how I was perceived/judged. I have the most judgmental family that TAUGHT ME that’s how life is. And boy they sure were fuckin’ right. I mean I guess I can thank them (!?!? haha) for first hand bringing this sort of reality into my life at what, age four!? What I’m gettin’ at homies is … we are TAUGHT THIS SHIT!
Now something that is taught to us for, Oh I dunno … 35 years … is not something that changes overnight. So please know that I am well aware that I am a hot ass mess product of this fucked up culture in the process of figuring shit out. I don’t claim to have all (if any) of the answers … especially FOR YOU! I will tell you that changing behaviors is not going to happen overnight. At first you have to check yourself and most people fail there. I was one of them too. Like none of us want to feel like we’re a judgmental, hypocritical, shitbag however this is something that HAS to happen in order for you to not only move further into this new thought process BUT in order for you to get your happiness. I’m such a perfectionist and never wanted anyone to see me in any other way. Well, that didn’t work out for me very well for the better part of 35 years of my life so NOW (the last two years I suppose) I’ve been trying new shit. And it’s working. Checking yourself when you’re thinking fucked up shit, then questioning WHY you’re doing it and finally realizing it’s so unnecessary is literally your path to freedom. Don’t believe me if you don’t want to but I’m telling you … it works!
So being someone who’s constantly been criticized, judged and made fun of … I don’t take well to those who still do it to me. In fact, I WILL ALWAYS stand up for me OR ANYONE ELSE I see it happening to. “Wait a minute! I had that for one morning. I am never going to allow that to happen in my presence again without responding to it negatively”. Do you see that!? It doesn’t say appropriately, nicely or even educationally. It says NEGATIVELY. And boy do I do just that. People don’t like it. At all.
If you’re interested in what happened you can watch it below. I DID, in fact, have ‘that’ (racist behavior against me) for one morning.
Maybe Probably it has happened to me before but I wasn’t aware because at the time I did it too. And when we do shit like that we tend to not see it happening. Like when we start correcting the behavior unfortunately we SEE it a lot more which makes you realize that it’s taught in our culture. It’s disheartening, it’s frustrating, it honestly feels like a losing battle. For that one morning I can honestly tell you that (albeit I actually WAS) being judged for being white felt like I had felt my entire life being fat. I hate feeling less than, all of us do. Someone feeling superior because of ANYTHING simply because of the way you look is seriously fucked up and something I REFUSE to allow ANYONE to think they have gotten away with. I didn’t allow it to happen and stood up for myself albeit my anxiety and fear of judgement for being white mentioning racism was as high as it probably could have been. I WILL continue to stand up for me OR anyone else that is being bullied, harassed, or profiled. And I’m not even a little bit ashamed or sorry.