Sometimes I don’t get to editing videos in what one would consider ‘appropriate timing’. It’s no secret that all of use YouTubers have videos we’ve either never edited or are saving for a rainy day/week. This week I came across this video I made 10 days prior to editing. Like I knew it was hiding out in my folder to be worked on but I couldn’t bring myself to even watch it.
I had made this video really, really early in the morning. I was beginning to get the flu so I wasn’t sleeping really well. I had woken up at like 4:00 am, had a lot on my mind and decided to film. This was the outcome.
Recently I found out some really troubling information about some of my ‘family’. And I’m mad at myself for not holding my father to the same standards I held my mother to. Now letting her in on that wouldn’t do anything, wouldn’t make it better. But mom, I’m sorry for not holding him to the same standards that I’ve held you to. If anything, I KNOW what that feeling is like. -I- was always held to a higher standard than ANY of my other ‘siblings’, albeit my full sister, my half sister, my adopted brother, my step sister or the kids that came in/out of my dad’s/stepmoms home that they used like a fuckin’ orphanage … and STILL am.
The above video isn’t about this situation although it does bring up a couple MINUTE (in comparison to what I’ve recently been going through) things that have hurt and continue to hurt me. Finding out info about people who are supposed to be the ‘closest’ to you via fuckin’ social media is just ludicrous to me. Like it’s really, really hard for me to deal with.
I’m ready to deal with everything now. I’m ready to close this chapter of my life … for good. Expect a video about it all soon.
Thanks for listening.